31 years

Posted on January 20, 2012 by mmj

Strawberry Fields

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I just want a pint of Guiness dammit

Posted on January 19, 2012 by mmj

I will go workout instead.

As for an update… Well, I suck at using a balance ball for pushups. I decided to go back a bit and incorporate some other moves into my routine.

It’s going to be tabata and intervals today. I might even skip the tabata. Who knows.

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The plan

Posted on January 16, 2012 by mmj

A couple years ago, I went on a new body frenzy. I worked out almost every day, ate better, drank less, and managed to get down to a size 10. It was a glorious time afforded to me by the proximity of the West End YMCA to my former apartment.

I got lazy and stopped working out as diligently.  I’m inching back up towards the old body sizes, and am feeling the side effects acutely: I need daily exercise to rid me of my stress and help me to focus. What’s more, I like being strong and self-reliant. I loved my old calves and arms.

I’m going to do it again. I have a plan.

Starting today, I’m going to go to the gym and learn new exercises part of a new workout plan. It’s for “curvy bodies” which I have. Boobies and booty. I’ll do that for four to six weeks, and then consider my next steps. I want to avoid the weight room at the Good Life near my office because of the meat heads in there; one douchebag used two squat racks at the same time and refused to let me work in, for example. it is such a different environment that the West End Y.

Eating … well, my iron has been really low. I’m taking supplements and trying to eat superfoods like quinoa and kale more often. I’ve got to amp up my B-vitamins too via food, and for now I’m taking supplements. I’m feeling more energetic than a week ago, but I’ve got a long way to go.

I’ll let you know how it’s going. Jason needs to rely on my ability to do at least one short bike tour this summer.

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Congratulations to Jenny Lawson — The Bloggess — on the publication of her book. She’s a terrific and funny writer. Like many comedians or comic writers, she has demons, and her authentic response is humbling. Love this woman.

 

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malicious intent in dreamlife?

Posted on January 16, 2012 by mmj

I had the shittiest dream last night. I dreamed that I killed my grandmother with poison.

Grandma passed away a couple years ago at in her 99th year. She was 674 km away, and she died of natural causes as happens when you are going on 99. She lived longer than four of five of her children, and outlasted her husband by decades.

Why am I defending myself? It was a dream for eff’s sakes. A really horrible dream that I wish that I never had…

I loved both my grandmothers in different ways. My maternal grandmother was far more accessible to me for most of my childhood. We saw her every weekend and almost all summer until I was ten years-old and we moved to the Soo.

Grandma Jones was a bit more distant in many ways. She lived in Southern Ontario. She was reserved and not as inclined to give a hug or teach me something new like Grandma Bell did. However, after I was assaulted when I was 19, and came to live with my aunt and uncle in St. Catharines, she was incredibly kind to me.

I remember being at my cousin’s son’s baptism, and the house being full of people. It freaked me out — I guess the assault was a catalyst for my social anxieties. So, I went into a spare room and sat there, knowing that I was letting people down but that I couldn’t be with all those people in the other room. Grandma came in, and sat beside me, quietly. She said, “It is hard to be around lots of people sometimes. I understand.”

She sat with me, silently, and understood. No hugs but her words were enough.

After all this, when I returned to university, I would visit her. She always gave me $100 even though I insisted it wasn’t necessary, that I visited her because I cared about her. She stopped after a while because my father told her not to do that. I minded that he meddled in my relationship with my grandmother but not the action of keeping her money to herself.

[My relationship with my father and stepmother is worthy of a book. It was complicated and at times abusive, none of which my family wants to hear about. They had their own relationships with Dad and his wife. Their kids had loving relationships. The most important thing is that my father and I were at peace when he died. For that reason, I will not rehash anything in great detail.]

I guess this is why a stupid dream, rife with alternative meanings, is affecting me so deeply today. How can I do something so malicious to someone I loved so much, even in my dream?

 

 

 

 

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Prayers of the People: January 15, 2012

Posted on January 15, 2012 by mmj

The response pattern for our prayers is found in More Voices, #96.

And when you call for me/ I have already answered./ And when you call for me, I am already there.

Let us pray.

Dear God:

You see us, wherever we are. You hear our thoughts, and our prayers.  As individuals, tempted by the many distractions of our humanity, it is not always easy to find you, to see you, to hear you, or to remember that you are always with us.

We are grateful for the small ways we see you your love manifest. A clear blue sky, sparkling snow, and rosy cheeks on a cold winter day. Kindness from a stranger in the form of a smile or a door held open.

These are easy signs, and we are beholden for them.

It is when we feel acute pain, lose a loved one expectedly or unexpectedly, undergo intense scrutiny in our work lives, that we lose sight of you. As a community of believers, please help us to do better as we strive to support each other in our spiritual paths, so that we can be free to open our minds and hearts to recognize you.

And when you call for me/ I have already answered./ And when you call for me, I am already there.

Nurturing God: We gather today as a community. I am grateful for this community that supports me, my family, and one another. It is a community where we are all afforded opportunities to serve you in our worship, public witness, education, community work, and to live your call.

Caring One: Members of the Trinity St. Paul’s church family are not well. Today we pray for:

  • Lois Kunkel’s sister, Deborah Kunkel, having surgery on January 25th
  • Marg Porteous
  • And Audrey McKim making the transition from hospital into a new home.

We also pray for others in our lives who we name now in silence or aloud:

And when you call for me/ I have already answered./ And when you call for me, I am already there.

Today we heard in 1 Corinthians our actions affect each member of the body of Christ. Please guide us to be more mindful in the actions we take as individuals and how those affect our church, and humankind.

We pray for Justice for Canada’s First Nations … for the end of the apartheid that exists in our developed nation … for truth and reconciliation … for meaningful understanding among all Canadians so they know the impact of our actions on Aboriginal peoples, from settlement to the Indian Act to Residential Schools and now the Keystone pipeline.

We pray for guidance with our political leaders, especially in Toronto in the week where budget decisions will be made. We pray that Toronto’s libraries, childcare centres, recreation centres, services remain so that the least of us can access what many of us take for granted.

Please join me as we turn to our church bulletins and pray with the church in Cyprus, Greece and Turkey:

We confess your grace, O God;

We experience your loving kindness.

We do not hide from your mercy. You have set us free.

All creation sings praise to you who reveals yourself.

For you our God have come among us; you are with us.

Amen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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